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The Encouragement Services Team
I am a Christian and have been for many many years. I am active in the church but it seems like when I am in distress because of problem in my marriage that I don't have anyone that I can relate to. Sometimes I don't want any one to know just how my husband can act because I don't want them to see him in a bad light. Sometimes it is so hard for me to pray when he curses as me and sometimes call me names. I have been in counseling off and on for years. I have prayed about it time and time again but I still feel the same way. I get so angry for letting myself keep taking the abuse. I try to see him in a different light because I know that he is of the world and we are suppose to forigive him and pray for him. I know what God's world says. I read it over and over and I still get caught in the same situation of anger and sometimes bitterness. I sometimes use the same words at him and I am so ashamed of myself and feel so guilty. I guess that is why I cannot pray at times. I have been with this man for 20 years and we have no children together. I am trying to do the right thing and stay with him but it is getting harder and harder. I stayed in hotel one night. I have never done that before. I can feel myself getting stronger and stronger. I really feel sorry for him I guess. If I leave him he would probable have a heart attack. He has very few friends. No body likes his attitude. He doesn' go around my family because he thinks that they use me. He thinks my family is ignorant and unlearned. He comes from a history of Catholics with good education so he thinks that he is better than everyone else. I told him that I will go to the police station on him because I don't have anyone else to go to. I will not worry my family about my problems. I need some advice. Please help?
Cathy Carey (anonymous)
Tuesday, September 27, 2011 - 10:30 A.M.
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. The same God that said love your husband is the same God that said try to live in peace as much as you can, if at all possible. Remember, God did not create you to make your husband happy, he created you so that you can share in his happiness and your happiness with him. The load can be to much for you to bear when someone expect you to take abuse and make them happy. It is going to be very hard for you to live your life while your husband is behaving with such control and negative power over you.
Did you ever think for one moment that nothing is wrong with you? Counseling is good and can help you. However, if your husband is choosing to believe that he can act like that, and treat you any kind of way, and that he does not need counseling; he will always have issues and blame it on you. This is why other people probably do not like him, he uses excuses to blame people for not knowing how to better handle his issues and emotions.
Please do not let him seperate you from your family. He has told you and made you to beleive a lie. He is not going to hurt himself or have an heart attack, if he does, it is because he has chosen to use you as his prop and to take advantage of you. If you need peace, you have to decide if you would like to separate for a little bit and see how that works, or maybe stay with someone you trust for about a week to sort things out, and let you think. Remember, the devil comes not but to still, kill, and destroy. Sometimes when people do not take control over their lives, they do not want others to be happy, and will try to destroy their very presence and peace. Life is short, and you may have to be direct with him, but in a loving straight forward way.
If you think about it, life is already hard, and he is making it extra hard for you. A marriage covenant is suppose to be about sharing and being one, not controlling one. God still loves you. Please do not forget to take care of yourself, your own mindset, be happy and joyous inside, do not let him take that from you because he is not happy and is causing himself to be miserable. You are special, please treat yourself like you are special.